The Art of Forgiveness

The Art of Forgiving

Matthew 6:5-15

            Oh, how we hate to be the one who blinks first!  You’ve probably played that game where two people try to stare each other down.  The one who blinks first, or turns away first is the loser.  I was never much good at the game because I got bored too easily; but when it comes to holding a grudge, I seldom blink first.  I’m really good at staying angry for as long as it takes to win the battle.

            Years ago, on the TV program “Touched By An Angel,” one of the characters (can’t remember which) said, “Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength.”  If only we could see it that way!  If we forgive someone we’ve blinked first.  We’ve lost the battle by giving up before the other person.  That may be the way we see it, and the world sees it, but not the way God sees it. 

            We’d like to forget what Jesus said in his follow-up to the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew’s gospel.  After saying (in the prayer), “and forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors,” Jesus adds, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

            There it is!  The formula can’t be expressed any plainer than that.  In order to be forgiven our sins (let’s call them what they are!) we must forgive anyone—and everyone—who sins against us.  There’s no wiggle room here, no space to equivocate, no chance for misunderstanding.  We can’t negotiate this with God.  We either forgive those who have wronged us, or God will not forgive us.  What could be plainer than that?

            Sometimes we hold on to wrongs done to us, not claiming them as sin, but as “hurt feelings”—as if that made a difference.  If someone hurts my feelings, that person has wronged me.  Call it sin, or a transgression, or whatever you will, the commandment is still the same—forgive!

            Later in Matthew’s gospel (18:21-22) Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother; should he forgive him seven times?  Jesus practically scoffs at the number.  This may be the ultimate lowball offer.  Jesus says, “Begin by multiplying your seven by seventy, and if that isn’t enough, start over.”

            “This is the essence of forgiveness,” George McDonald says, “seeing people through the eyes and heart of a loving God.”  God doesn’t keep track of forgiveness!  God forgives what needs to be forgiven, when it needs to be forgiven, and as many times as it needs to be forgiven.  If God doesn’t keep a tally of our forgiveness, how do we dare to keep a tally of the times we forgive others?  We know we can’t go through a day without doing something that needs to be forgiven, so our loving, forgiving God waits for us to ask.  Even before we ask we’ve been forgiven—but we have to ask.

            Thomas Fuller said, “[The one] who cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself, for every [person] needs to be forgiven.”    

Forgiveness is indeed a bridge, a bridge first between me and every person I know.  The only way I can keep that bridge open is to be ready to forgive anyone any time forgiveness is needed.  The moment I fail to forgive, the bridge breaks.  On the other side, forgiveness forms the only possible bridge from me to God.  The transaction is two-sided.  I can’t have the side to God open without keeping open the side to my brothers and sisters.