When Did "I Love You" Become "What's for Dinner?"

When Did “I Love You” Become “What’s for Dinner?”

Ephesians 5:22-33

            For many years I disagreed with the apostle Paul over some of the things he said in his letters.  Through my time in seminary and in reading on my own I’ve learned that Paul most likely didn’t write all the epistles that bear his name.  Scholars far more knowledgeable than I have researched his writings thoroughly.  Many of them have decided that some of the letters were written pseudoepigraphically—a fancy word meaning written by someone else who “borrowed” Paul’s name to add importance to the writing.

            One such letter is the epistle to the Ephesians—and this makes me glad, because today’s passage is one of those over which I have most strongly disagreed with Paul.  There is no doubt that the first two verses of this passage—the ones about wives submitting themselves to their husbands—has caused many problems and much grief between spouses down through the centuries.  Many men have used this verse to give themselves permission to abuse their wives, physically, psychologically, and emotionally.  Men have believed that spousal abuse was permitted, even authorized by these words.

            Nothing could be further from the truth.  Men have no excuse for abusing their wives in any way.  Those who have done so have a lot to answer for, especially those who do it in the name of Christ.  I won’t go deeper into this issue here.  Suffice it to say no human being has a right under any system of religion, law, or custom, to abuse or demean any other human being—and this goes double for Christians.

            The problem, I believe, is that men stop reading too soon—perhaps a sign of a short attention span.  Verse 25 begins “Husbands, love your wives…”  True love prohibits abuse.  The verse continues “…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”  If we love our spouses as Christ loves all humankind we cannot p abuse.  We believe Christ died for all humankind so that we might have abundant life.  Abundant life does not include abuse.

            We have a friend who sends my wife cartoons from time to time.  Some that she sends are ones that we read in our daily newspaper.  We don’t mind because it’s nice to know we’re in someone’s thoughts.

            One that we do not see in our paper is The Lockhorns.  It features a couple who can’t get along.  They can’t agree on the color of the sky, or the time of day, or what month it is.  One we received recently pictures the couple with a marriage counselor.  The wife says, “Of course I believe in compromise.  Every husband should do it.”  You get the idea.

            Another recent one is set in the couple’s kitchen.  He has just come home from work, and she is busy at the stove.   She turns to him and says, “When did ‘I love you’ become ‘What’s for dinner?’”

            Wow!  Isn’t that a condemnation of a marriage!  Not that asking “What’s for dinner?” is bad, but spouses should never forget—never fail—to express love. 

            I know pastors are never supposed to use themselves as positive examples, but this fits so well I can’t resist. 

            One day I was waiting in a fast food restaurant for my wife to arrive.  When she walked through the door my face lit up.  I can’t help it.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was about to get lunch—but I doubt it.  One of the other patrons saw it and bought our lunch.  He said, “I’m about to get married, and I hope I’ll always feel that way about my wife.”

            “Husbands, love your wives.”  While a free lunch is a good reason, we know there are better ones.  Besides, if you love your spouse enough, what’s for dinner isn’t that important.